Monday, March 18, 2013

The Betrayal Bond: Breaking Free of Exploitative Relationships by Patrick J. Carnes

A mentor recommended this book to me with the warning: "This book is not easy to read." He was right. This is not a fun or easy book to read. Even the author in the introduction writes, " Sometimes I have been accused of writing books that are painful to read at some points...I believe this book on the betrayal bond may also present similar challenges to some readers. "

This book is about trauma bonds, or the connections we have with a person/people who have been abusive or toxic in some way to us: "Exploitative relationships create betrayal bonds. These occur when a victim bonds with someone who is destructive to him or her."

The first half of the book is about trauma, the bonds that are formed, and the cycles of betrayal. The second half is about how to break free from the bonds. There are exercises and questions included that really get to the heart of healing.

Intense, thoughtful, very clear and direct. Helpful for anyone in relationship with someone in an abusive relationship, or if you're in one yourself. This is material best covered with the support of a community and a therapist.

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