The Death of Ivan Ilyich by Leo Tolstoy

I know the title sounds depressing. And yes, this novella is about the death of the title character. Ivan lives his life exactly how he is supposed to with the right jobs and connections, marrying a lady and having children. But at the end of his life, he wonders, "What if my entire life, my entire conscious life, simply was not the real thing?" It is this question that makes Ivan's story timeless.

How many decisions have we made based on what we were supposed to do? Or because it was the safe and easy thing to do? Or because our parents thought it was the right thing to do. How many times have we quietly dismissed our dreams because it was going to be too hard?

Maybe we don't even know the answers to these questions because how often do we even sit in silence and solitude and consider our lives, hearts, hurts, and desires?

Anyway, I know that life is complicated and it isn't always a matter of just always choosing to follow your heart. But how conscious are we of life, our decisions, and the direction of our lives? Or does life just happen to us?

The main character, Ivan, faces death and realizes, What did I just do with my life?

I highly recommend this book because I don't want this to happen to us. Yes, you might say, "I don't want to read about death. It's so depressing." And I would say that we can't really consciously and fully live until we do think about our own death because it's coming sooner or later. And being conscous of that will probably change how we decide to live today, tomorrow, and in this moment.

This is one book that I checked out of the library, but I will buy it because I want it in my personal library.

A quote about how Ivan chose to marry his wife:

"Praskovya Fyodorovna came from a good family and was quite attractive; she also had a little money. Ivan Ilyich could have counted on a more illustrious match, but even this one was quite good...in acquiring such a wife he did something that gave him pleasure and, at the same time, did what people of the highest standing considered correct. And so Ivan Ilyich got married."